cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
