you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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