I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
