Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
