i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
