we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
