i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
