That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
