you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
