Pappa wants mamma naked
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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