I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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