dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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