Your mouth is God's brothel.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
