Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
