No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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