still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
