i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
