he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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