I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
