We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Randomize
