apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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