atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
