Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he fucked my hip out of place.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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