You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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