You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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