i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
