We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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