Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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