She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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