careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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