I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Randomize
