I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
