I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
