There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im having a threesome with these popsicles
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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