ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
