I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
