i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
