wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
