An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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