i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Someone came in the potted fern
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
