I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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