listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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