i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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