new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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