At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
