so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
