so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
