she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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