I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it was like eating out sand paper
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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