I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
