just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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