After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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