saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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